Wednesday, August 27, 2014

so I've been MIA and I apologize....

Hi folks. I haven't blogged in...god, i have no idea. Time is such a weird thing. So, I've been busy with working 2 jobs, taking 1 class a semester, and spending time w/ my boys. I barely read anymore, but I've been trying to catch up a bit since I'm technically "on break" from school.

currently reading:
1. "Flight from Hell" by Yasmine Galenorn. It's a novella. I love Yasmine and it's great so far.
2. "Nine by Night" which is a collection of books. see all of them here. So far so good!
3. I had to take a break from "City of Heavenly Fire" by Cassandra Clare for school and library-lending reasons.

Ok, I am off again.

OH, please check out Amanda Palmer's blog and her new book, "The Art of Asking: How I

to Stop Worrying and Let People Help". Her blog is here. She is amazing. 

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Here's some really angsty poetry

I feel broken
like I am cracking apart from the inside
I haven't felt this in years...

Pulling at the seams
going fucking crazy

I really don't like it
I blame you,
but it's really just me
unable to cope
to deal with reality
to be 30 years old and still
making mistakes

I feel weak and
I really hate feeling weak.
It makes me feel so...

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Take a walk with me..

If you don't believe in fairies, come take a walk w me and I'll show you were they live. 
They live in the spaces between; in the sunbeams, the air between two trees, the leaves falling from branches, feathers on the wind.  They live in our memories, in the shadows,  the things you see in the corner of your eyes.

They do exist, you just need to look, and believe.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

writing, or lack there of

I know I'm supposed to be a writer, but sometimes, I just don't care. I haven't written anything, more than texts, emails, and etc, in months. Either I don't have the dedication or I lost interest. I guess I don't want to be a writer that much. I'm such a dabbler and I often don't finish things. Hence the 3 unfinished novels. Is it the fear of failure or of success that holds me back? A combination of both I suspect. I recall that I wrote a lot of shitty, angsty poetry back in high school and college, when I was depressed and alone. Now I am in my thirties, still sometimes depressed and somewhat alone, still very angsty, but my flavor of writing has changed, what little I create. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever finish the novels, or compile the books of poetry or short stories I supposedly want to. I guess we'll see.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

I feel a rant coming on....

There is something wrong with my blogger account. It keeps dropping all of the blogs I follow, then they're back again a few days later. Weird.  On to my rant. I know I usually post reviews and etc, but I like to vent. So here we go.

Most of my closest friends and I are in our late 20s-mid 30s. Most of us have the same problems: money, the lack of; financial strain b/c of that lack and overwhelming bills to pay, such as rent, car loans, and especially student loans ,etc; lack of job growth, fair pay, and/or employment period; and overall stress b/c of these things. A few of us have master's degrees in really awesome fields, like archaeology and psychology,  but the majority of us have bachelor's degrees we don't really use, myself included. Every one of my group of friends has a job, but most aren't in their field of study or aren't where they thought they would be in it, myself included.

 I feel like my generation was duped.  We grew up believing we could be anything we wanted to be, that we would go off to college, have a blast, and come out with a great career which would help us pay back the inordinate amount of money we spent/borrowed to get there. That is not what has happened. When I graduated college in 2007 and moved (back) to Ma, I thought I'd go find a job in my field, psych/soc/social work, and go back for a master's. That's not what happened. Sure, I did eventually find a job in my field, but I was laid off, along with 8 other people, b/c the federal and state gov't downsized the budgets and the company shut down our department. Now it's 2013. Since then I started a master's degree which I didn't finish b/c I realized I didn't want to work in that field, I got a certification as an EMT-Basic and worked as one for a year until I switched to working at a medical facility, which I'm doing now. Don't get me wrong; I am not whining b/c I don't have a job; I realize I am lucky in that I have a place to live, a car (albeit a shitty one) to drive, money to afford food, clothes, concerts, etc. I am living a good life, it's just not where I thought I'd be by 30.

 Do I blame my parents? No, I blame society. A society that duped millions of people into thinking going to college, studying what we "liked" instead of a trade, taking out millions, hell billions, in debt to do it, was going to solve our problems. Lies. Most of us aren't working in our fields of study b/c there aren't any jobs, and the jobs that are out there require MORE SCHOOL, which means more debt, more stress, and a growing amount of self-loathing, hopelessness, and despair. Do you have any idea how much a master's and doctorate cost these days?! In my newly chosen field, medicine, I really have to get a master's to make any money. I'm aiming for nurse practitioner school, which is going to be about another $60-80k which I can add on to the $70k I already owe back. I will probably have to go for a DNP too; more money. Do you think I can work while I do this? Not really, maybe 15 hours a week for two years, which means I'll rack up more debt to pay for the car, the apartment, the gas, food, clothes, books, etc.

Read this great article found on NPR-"If Employment Game Has Changed , Who's Teaching the Rules?" link here.  This is such a poignant article.

Thanks for listening, readers. I'm going to go make some gluten-free waffles now before I have an anxiety attack.