Thursday, September 10, 2015

warning: this will be a heavy post

Trigger Warning: suicide

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I am a suicide attempt survivor. I am not ashamed of this. It was a difficult time but here I am.

Dec. 6, 2005. My girlfriend at the time and I broke up. I was really in love with her and I fucked it all up. It happens. But then it was devastating and I didn't have the coping mechanisms I do now. Most of that night is hazy, but I know these things:

-I took a bottle of pills
-I chased them w/ almost an entire bottle (or maybe the whole thing) of Carlo Rossi Sangria (I didn't drink that brand again for YEARS)
-I locked the doors in the house and stumbled up the stairs
-I reached out to Mel (an ex-gf who's a friend) and April (another ex) (Did I reach out to her? I can't recall) and Mel called 911
-I think I unlocked the downstairs door
-I hate IVs in my hands (both hands!)
-I woke up in the ER and was GRATEFUL to be alive
-gf was pissed, sad, and distraught and we never were right again

That was 10 years ago. Wow. 9 and change, but nonetheless, 10 years. A lot has changed. A lot has happened, but it has all shaped who I am today. I do not regret this experience, per se, but 32-year-old me is sad that 22-year-old me couldn't cope and tried to take the easy way out. That was rock bottom for me. It got better. LIFE GOT BETTER!

Suicide is fucking awful. No matter what the reasons, it's awful. Sure it may relieve the pain/self-hate/rage/etc etc etc RIGHT NOW but it will devastate the ones you love. I am not going to preach here. I just wanted to share my experience.

If YOU ever think about suicide, there are billion resources. Please get help.
Here are a few:
Call the National Suicide Prevention Line ANYTIME Call 24/7 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat with people online. Lots of helpful stuff 

TWLOHA has been one of my saving graces through the years.

Email me or comment! Reach out to SOMEONE please.

You can help out in so many ways. Buy a shirt from Sevenly:National Suicide Prevention Lifeline via sevenly for example.

Buy a Suicide Prevention pack from TWLOHA

BE A FRIEND and LOVED ONE. Be a shoulder and an ear. Seriously.

Never give up.

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